Hounded

I was on my way back from New York City to Blacksburg. I wanted to figure out the gate number for my bus. A notice on information counter in the main lobby said, “This office is closed; please use the information desk downstairs.” I didn’t have a lot of time and wanted to run down the escalator. But, I was caught between couple of unhurried and overweight men. I impatiently waited for eternity (actually till the escalator reached the lower level). When I was finally able to locate the information desk, I found another notice on the window, “This office is closed; please use the information desk upstairs.” No, I didn't go back upstairs again. Instead, thinking that I might miss my bus, I froze (well, I admit cold New York winter too had a part to play). But, I was seriously debating if I would take the Greyhound again.

It all started a few days back as I wanted to be present for my nephew’s first birthday party. Blacksburg to New York is a long way and this was my first time by Greyhound. I was in Richmond Greyhound terminus waiting for the last part of my travel to New York. I had about an hour to kill and thought it would be a good opportunity to look around. I looked in the departure monitor. Actually, I was kind of delighted to see there was one. I honestly didn’t expect it. But, this is America and here you can probably even get Tiger's milk if you wanted to. My bus was on schedule. But, the time displayed on the monitor was 2:39 a.m. And by that, my bus should have already left. I checked my cell phone… 1:21 a.m. Puzzled, I looked up for the Arrival monitor. 12:59 a.m. and by that I had not reached Richmond yet. I told myself that I should not be over critical. And, Einstein already predicted that time is warped near a black hole. The condition of the terminus closely resembled that.

I wanted to ask at the information counter though; to make sure that I was standing near just a faulty monitors and not a black hole. On the left side of the information counter (not that right side would have made any difference) bold letters on the wall portrayed, “This is a time certified terminus”. I really didn’t understand what it meant. I wished Stephen Hawkins were there traveling with me. He has a better insight into time and Greyhound is supposedly accessible for people in wheelchair.

As I approached the counter, I heard something that seemed like a voice from the sky. Actually, I always feel if God ever speaks he would not be very different from the public address system; incomprehensible and people of different origin tend to have their own interpretations. I too managed to have my own partial understanding, “#@%^&* Bus 531 %^&#*@ Gate 16”. I checked my ticket for the number. It had 4 digits! I thought, perhaps they used the last 3 digits. But, the last, the first, and every other possible permutation too didn’t match the number just announced. I handed over my ticket to the lady at the counter and asked which gate I needed to go to. There were two more people; probably were trying to figure out the same thing. The lady looked at me as if I asked for a free sexual favor. Then she picked up the phone and called someone, “Can you come here? There are three people at the counter and one of them is not cooperating”. Scared, I started to wonder which one of us that would be.

A security guard approached us exposing two little kids hiding behind her as they were playing hide and seek with few other kids. The fact that she fitted into her uniform made me realize that the genie in a bottle was not really a miracle. “Sir, we have a zero tolerance policy”, she blurted out, holding onto her large, shiny metallic security badge. “I just want to go to New York”, I made a feeble protest. “You are not going anywhere if you cuss. We have a zero tolerance policy”, she repeated. I tried to convince her that my bus was at 2:15 and I needed to figure out the gate number. She pointed out the end of a vey long queue, “Wait there”. I had a sneaky suspicion that she deliberately pointed out the longest one for me.
I reached New York finally by next morning. Rest of the journey was not as eventful except that the driver stopped the bus on the shoulder of the road a couple of times to use the onboard restroom. I made a late new year resolution to consume more tomatoes to keep my prostate healthy. My stay at New York was pleasant and enjoyable. I made friends with my nephew. In fact he offered me to suck onto his pacifier. Apparently he shares that only with a privileged few. I was a little apprehensive at the beginning. But, then he kind of gave me the powerful presidential look of “if you are not with me, you are against me...” And, like every other weak nation, I promptly decided to suck onto it to publicly display the voluntary nature of my friendship. In fact it didn’t feel too bad after a while.